I'm Not That Girl
by danrdarrenc
Summary: Hermione's thoughts as she believes that she will never be the one for Ron. Oneshot, songfic based on "I'm Not That Girl" from the show "Wicked".


I am sitting in the Gryffindor common room trying to do my Potions homework but it's very difficult to concentrate with Ron and Harry playing Wizard Chess right next to me and Crookshanks rubbing against my leg purring for attention.

"Checkmate!" Harry shouts in triumph and excitement at finally beating Ron at Chess.

"Damn!" Ron swears.

"Boys, please! I'm trying to do homework. And, Ron, you're a prefect. You shouldn't be swearing in front of the younger kids," I scold.

"Oh, come on, Hermione. It's Friday night. Have some fun," Ron says.

"If I could concentrate I would be having fun," I say in all seriousness. Ron snorts. I scowl.

"Come on, Hermione, play a game of Chess with us," Harry says, shifting his chair over to make room for me to sit next to him.

"Fine," I sigh in resignation and move my chair next to Harry's.

Ron reaches onto the Chess board to pick up my pieces just as I do. Our hands brush and my heart skips a beat. Ron looks at me and pulls his hand away quickly.

**  
Hands touch, eyes meet**

**Sudden silence, sudden heat**

**Hearts leap in a giddy whirl**

**He could be that boy**

**But I'm not that girl**

Suddenly, the common room door opens and there is a shout of "Won Won!" Before any of us have a chance to escape, Lavender Brown is upon us, grabbing Ron's hand, pulling him out of his chair, and locking her lips with his.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed, Harry," I say, grab my books, and make my way past Ron and Lavender and up the staircase to my dormitory, trying not to remember how it felt to touch Ron's hand.

**Don't dream too far**

**Don't lose sight of who you are**

**Don't remember that rush of joy**

**He could be that boy**

**I'm not that girl**

I enter the dorm that I share with the other sixth year girls – Lavender Brown included – get undressed and climb into bed. I lie down and think about Ron for a few minutes before I fall into a restless sleep plagued by dreams of a future in which I am married to Ron and we have two beautiful children.

When I wake up it's early Saturday morning and the other girls are asleep in their beds. I quietly get out of mine, grab my books, and go downstairs into the common room. I sit down on the couch in front of the fireplace trying to ignore the pain in my chest where my heart is. _How nice those dreams of a future with Ron were. And how wonderful it would be if that future came true_, I think to myself.

I sigh, wrap my arms around my legs, and rest my chin on my knees. _It's so much harder to be around Ron and Lavender when I have dreams of a future with Ron. They make my pain so much more acute. _

I open my book bag and take out the Potions homework that I had started last night. I am not really in the mood to do work (strange, I know!) but I do it to keep my mind off of Ron and my dreams.

**Ev'ry so often we long to steal**

**To the land of what-might-have-been**

**But that doesn't soften the ache we feel**

**When reality sets back in**

Just as I am finishing my essay for Arithmancy and the common room is completely full of sunshine Harry comes down the staircase.

"Hermione! Hi," Harry says walking over to the table at which I am sitting.

"Hi, Harry," I say smiling half-heartedly.

"How long have you been up?"

"A couple hours. Where's Ron?" I ask.

"He's still sleeping, at least until Lavender pounces on him," Harry says trying to make a joke. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly. No. I had a dream about Ron last night. We were married and we had two kids," I say, smiling at the memory.

Harry says nothing, but pulls me into a hug.

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" Harry asks.

I nod and we leave the Gryffindor tower without putting on our robes.

As we sit down at the Gryffindor table Ron and Lavender enter the Great Hall hand-in-hand, Lavender's golden-blonde hair falling gracefully across her back.

"I'm not hungry anymore, Harry. I'm gonna go back to the common room," I say and stand up. I pass Ron and Lavender on my out but do not acknowledge that I know they are there.

I make it back to the common room and head upstairs to get dressed.

**Blithe smile, lithe limb**

**She who's winsome, she wins him**

**Gold hair with a gentle curl**

**That's the girl he chose**

**And Heaven knows**

**I'm not that girl**

As I adjust my skirt and slip into my robe I imagine what a life with Ron would be like, what it would be like to be the mother of his children and his wife. _How stupid of me to think that I could compete with Lavender Brown. She's beautiful and agreeable. She doesn't feel like she has to know everything or be the top of the class to be noticed. She's just naturally popular._

Sadly and with a heavy heart I make my way down to the common room, wishing beyond anything that I could make my feelings for Ron go away.

**Don't wish, don't start**

**Wishing only wounds the heart**

**I wasn't born for the rose and pearl**

**There's a girl I know**

**He loves her so**

**I'm not that girl**


End file.
